There's always a common theme running around my head, around everyone's head (if you ask me) about understanding and acceptance and the literal truth about life. I never seem to put any ideas into focus anymore. Just hazy thoughts lingering on the outside of my squishy frontal lobes. They keep asking to be up front and center, but I avoid them like I avoid you. Like I avoid calling people out on reading my blog who really have no business being here. Like I avoid dairy and anything resembling accountability these days. They just stay thoughts. Lodged up in my brain. Waiting for their turn.
I guess every answer we get is really just more questions. That's how things work. That's what we must accept as our truth if we want to remain 'sane' when faced with moments of insanity. You may get one ounce of real honest to god truth from this life, but once you understand that truth, that's when shit gets real. And I'm guessing from our track record (as a collective whole - as in all of us) that shit getting real isn't really our best moments to appreciate.
I want to say dear me. Dear my previous self. My future self.  People always tell me that things will get easier. And I'll just adapt to this new normal. But the truth is I see you everywhere and in everything and I wish I knew what to do with it all.
My dad gave me the most true piece of advice I've ever gotten a few years ago, that once you accept the truth that there is no such thing as universal justice, or universal fairness, your life becomes a lot less complicated.
While this is true. True beyond any reasonable doubt. When you've spent handfuls of years on the trained end of believing otherwise - it takes some getting used to.
Really. If I was going to say anything to my previous self I would simply say, don't make threats or promises born out of anger or resentment. Say no more. Say yes more. Try to understand that everyone just wants their own happy ending, and they are under no obligation to include you in it. But also understand that that statement works both ways. And that no one is entitled to your happy ending unless they earn it. And to my future self I guess I just have to say, earning it counts both ways too.
There is no accounting for humility in life. Or regret. And truly. Someone without regrets is lying to themselves. Regrets just mean you realize you did something wrong, or had a chance to be better.