maybe you know this
maybe you don't
but either way, the fact still remains that I am a card carrying member of the homosexual variety.
yep. I'm gay. go figured.
let me tell you, there was hardly ever a time in my life where I had a hard time saying "I'm gay"
I came out at a relatively young age. I knew full well that I was gay when I was 12. I didn't make it public until I was 14. I wasn't afraid to come out, I made no effort to hide my attraction to women. I simply didn't feel it was necessary to announce it. it seemed to make no difference to me who knew and who didn't, at first. I told my mum and my siblings and my friends. I refused to tell my father and my extended family until I was much older. my dad though, is a smart man, and had it figured out probably before even I did.
I've never spoken the words out loud to my grand mum, though I'm sure she knows. the same goes for aunts and uncles. I don't make any effort to hide the fact that I'm gay from them, it just seems unnecessary to mention it. to speak about it seems pointless.
my family is a strong mix of people. but one fundamental they all seem to share is their devotion to Christianity. which is something I've struggled with accepting myself. I give them a lot of credit for having the ability to put faith into something that I can't fully understand. I like to think that they feel the same way about me, when it comes to accepting me and who I love.
facebook has made it more and more accessible to see the kinds of things that my extended family believes in. and though I have nothing against them sharing and promoting their beliefs on a public forum (that's what it's for) I do struggle really hard against speaking out against the blatantly homophobic things they post. I feel extremely disrespected. and even though I know that they aren't posting these things as a direct attack at me, personally. it's still at me, personally. does that make sense?
I've also never been one to be a hardcore supporter of these movements that the gays seem to love to shove down peoples throats. I don't think it's ok to tell anyone that they are wrong or right, regardless of what they're wrong or right about. I believe in freedom of expression and freedom of thought. if you think I'm going to hell because I like boobs, then by all means. send me to hell. but I don't care to hear it from your mouth. just like you wouldn't care to hear it from my mouth that I think you're an ignorant hillbilly with outdated ideas of how the world really works.
my mum said to me once that there is a difference between tolerance and acceptance, and that she tolerated my lifestyle. at the time, those words hurt me far more than I probably let on. I'm only good for tolerance, but not acceptance. but I have to remember that that saying works both ways. and that I tolerate her beliefs, even though I don't accept them. so I give her credit where credit is due.
I don't know what I'm rambling on about. I just saw a picture posted on facebook today by a member of my family that I haven't even met before and it pissed me off and I contemplated deleting them on the grounds that I don't need to see that shit and have it pointed in my face that my love life is somehow a big fucking threat. but at the end of the day, it's the end of the day. and I'm going to bed with love in my heart. and he can go to bed with whatever hate he wants.