I had a random idea today while updating my status about a girl running in the rain. I generally find myself pretty amusing. And more often than not other people find me amusing too. so I figured I'd take this previously unused blog and start to share random one off quips, partial conversations I have with people and general anecdotes from yours truly (and a few guest appearances), with the rest of the interwebual world.

some will be stolen directly from my facebook/G+ statuses. and some will just be here.

either way. laugh.

LAUGH A LOT.

here are some of my favorites from the last few months -



Pretty intense rain we're having huh girl in white wife beater. Oh! You're gonna start running to get out of it? ooooooh. Good call.


Oh hi new extremely attractive physiotherapist. You want me to spend money on you, take abuse, smile and not get any action? are you sure we're not dating?


thought I had a genius idea to open a bakery called "Two Girls, One Cupcake." apparently people beat me to this genius idea already. dang.

Pants - 'wait wait you were on xtacy?!'
Crystal '..... well what do you think communion is Pants? why do you think we're always singing?'
Pants - *blank stare*


Dad - "The problem with self checkouts is that they're all run by idiots"


Pants - As lesbians we need a Lowes credit card. I already have my canadian tire one. Wait...you're not even a lesbian anymore so you can't have one.
Bitzy - see what you do to me!
Jess - yea but I make it so you don't have to be handy.
Bitzy - ...I just want diamonds now.


A girl I've had a thing for for years has a really fantastic boyfriend, which pissed me off one day while I was chatting with my Bitzy. It's not fair when great girls find great boyfriends. how am I supposed to woo them to the dark side if they meet their damn soul mate? lame. anyways. this quote is from Bitzy and her advice to me about what to do about the whole situation.
Bitzy - "you just need to drop an elephant on him............. then comfort her over the tragedy!"


Pants - Dear Facebook. You're being a supreme asshole lately. wtf is your problem?


Alex - Dear obvious fake user name, you've neglected me and use me as a forum for anti-snocone propaganda. Also you leave the toilet seat down.
Warmest regards, Facebook.

PS, you're out of juicy pops


Pants - Dear Facebook, if you had an issue with me using my account as a platform for raising awareness on the dangers of snow cones, you should have included a censor algorithm in your basic programing. Additionally, you don't use the toilet. despite the fact that I have chosen to anthropomorphize you, you still do not have genitals. therefore you don't pee. FURTHERMORE, I do pee. and I tend to pee in your juicy pops. bitch.





After the Canadian Election this past may I posed a question on my facebook directed towards my friends who voted conservative. without going into stupid detail about the politics side of things, here is a partial recap of some of the comments between me and my friend Crystal

Crystal - " Blah blah blah so on and so forth... I'm done now. We shall never speak of this again. I ♥ Twilight!!! Go Team Jacob! BAM!"

Pants - "pfft team jacob! No wonder you voted for harper!"

Crystal - "Ohhhh twilight\conservative combo burn!'

Pants - "I KNOW RIGHT! I'm proud of that one."

Crystal - "It was what the opposition was using to dissuade a Harper government. He had to defend himself!! Much like poor Jacob has to do with Edward!"

Pants - "annnnnnnnnd Edward wins. POINT. SET. MATCH."
Pants - "if only politics were as easy as sparkling vampire teenage trash"


That last comment I made spawned THIIIIIIIISSS. which is an article I wrote comparing twilight and the canadian election.



I wonder what crime I'd have to commit in order to be Lindsay Lohans cellmate....



Dear Gov'na'ment. I tried to be nice and give you more money than you wanted so I could avoid the notorious taxation-anal raping that you seem to find so enjoyable to those of us who live in quebec and work in ontario. I TRIED. but noo. not only must I endure your cackles and sans lube anal rampage, but now I am most surely forced to endure it with celion dion on full blast. AND ON REPEAT. this sucks. fuck you


I could NEVER date someone with a fico score less than 640.


every time I see these smart attractive funny men doing shows (like Tim Roth - lie to me. craig Ferguson etc) I think hmm maybe I could be straight. then I see bones (aka Emily deschanel) and think naaaah!



the royal canadian mint tour - the girl selling the tickets didn't have change for a 10. ........really?