As I've stated before in this blog, I work for a bank. I suppose more specifically I work for a bank that supports a major credit card. I deal with the ins and outs and in betweens of those credit card customers. I have enough customers on a daily basis to fill an entire website of dumb ass conversations. but there are a few that take the cake.

here is one where I single handedly destroyed a marriage...



a customer is wondering what a charge is on her statement. every single merchant on the planet has what's called a merchant code. (Industry slang is a sic code. you can google them) so by looking at the sic code we can identify what type of store the purchases was made from. in this instance, the customers sic code was for an adult entertainment website. keep in mind we are not given any sort of official sensitivity training as a part of our jobs, but you kind of learn from experience what to say to people in regards to these types of charges. This woman also had an additional card holder on her account. though she was 100% responsible for the charges, the other card holder has free reign on her entire credit line to do with what they please. Should the other card holder request any information on the account we have to decline unless given specific permission from the primary card holder. In this case I was speaking with the primary.
Me - Ma'am, the charges on your account appear to be from an online merchant. do you recall making any purchases online on the dates in question?
Her - No. not at all. I don't even have the internet. did someone steal my card?
Me - Well we can look into these charges as possible fraud, if you'd like I can get you in contact with someone from our security department to start a claim
Her - What website was it from?
Me - We don't have access to the specific name of the website in this case, however, I can tell you from the merchant ID that the website was of an adult nature
Her - ............
Me - Ma'am?
Her - You're telling me it's porn aren't you?
Me - I can't confirm what was purchased based on the information I have in front of me. However, if you don't recall making the purchase I will get you in touch with our security department and they can hopefully provide you with more information.
Her - Is ******* still on my account?
Me - Yes Ma'am, we have ******* listed as an authorized user on this account.
Her - *hangs up*

fast forward about 15 minutes and I am handling another customer, this time Male. He provides me with his card number and the same account as the woman I was speaking to previously pops up. as stated previously, I can't give this guy any information about the account, as he is not the primary.

Me - Sir I'll be happy to help you with any general inquiries you may have. But since you are not listed as an approved contact on the account you've given me I can't speak in any detail about it.
Him - Listen. I just got off the phone with my very pissed off wife. someone from your dumbshit company just ratted me out for buying porn! I demand you call my wife back and tell her it was a mistake and refund the charges!
(note - he has no idea that I was the one speaking with his wife)
Me - I apologize for any inconvenience you may be experiencing sir, however, as I stated I can't speak in any sort of detail about the account you provided me. If you have your wife contact us and add you as an approved contact I would be more than happy to assist you.
Him - You're not listening to me! she is going to fucking divorce me unless you tell her you lied!! do you want me to sue you for the divorce fees? because I will!
Me - Mr *******, As a professional representative for *major credit card company* I demand a certain level of respect, a part of that respect is to use common curtesy in regards to the language you use during our conversation. Should you happen to swear at me again I will be forced to end this conversation immediately.
Him - FUCK YOU *hangs up*

another 15 minutes later I have the pleasure of speaking with his wife again.
Me - How many I assist you further today Mrs *******
Her - Oh, it's MISS ******* now. you can change the name on my card. and remove that perverted assfuck off my account right now!
Me - done and done.