So You Befriended A Bipolar

Here's a list of Do's and Don'ts when it comes to befriending a bipolar person.

Do - ask for permission when initiating physical contact. if going in for a hug the non crazy friend should address the situation with a calming and reassuring statement that physical contact is about to happen. This gives the crazy friend time to adjust and prepare for said contact. it is often also a good idea to include a range of heightened vocal patterns when doing so. a good example would be "HEY CRAZY FRIEND I'M GOING TO TOUCH YOU NOW. OK? IN 3....2....1....AND HUUUGGGGGG!"

Don't - text your crazy friend a 100 times in a row if you don't hear back them within a few minutes. Unlike non crazy friends, your crazy friend will become annoyed after just 1 text message, and will often throw their phone across the room in order to avoid any more of your "heeeeyyy WAZZZ UP" bullshit.

Don't - place fingers, hands, arms or any actual part of your body inside your crazy friends mouth. Crazy friends bite.

Do - Allow your crazy friend to get away with sleeping for 3 days straight. Crazy friends need more sleep than non crazy friends because they use up a lot of energy hating you and everyone else 4 days out of the week. the other three days are set aside for sleep and porn.

Don't - Ask your crazy friend what's wrong unless you have at least 4 hours of free time in which to hear the factual answer. Should you actually happen to catch your crazy friend during a timeframe when they are open to talking about their feelings, they will take advantage of the situation. should you not happen to be readily available to hear their cynical crazy take on humanity, your crazy friend will assume you don't really care and add you to the list of people who will die first in their crazy fueled homicidal rampage.

Do - laugh at your crazy friends jokes. even when they aren't funny. Crazy friends often find humor in things that non crazy friends do not. like dead babies and palindromes. If you don't laugh at your crazy friends joke they will stop telling them to you and you will eventually miss out on possibly the funniest joke ever told.

Don't - even think about initiating any sort of contact with your crazy friend while she's riding the crimson wave. Because crazy people are crazy all the time, when they shed their crazy uterus lining they get even more crazy, and will often be found rocking back and forth in the fetal position in a corner somewhere thinking about which set of pliers would work best to remove fingernails from unsuspecting non crazy friends. (in most cases, that means you)

Do - find realistic ways to relate to your new crazy friend. Find common interests that you can both comfortably hold a conversation about. this will give your crazy friend a good sense of comradery and allow them to think of things other than homicidal rage.

Don't - try to seem smarter than your crazy friend. You aren't.

Do - make a mental note of what your crazy friend likes from Tim Hortons. So when a day comes when you are making a timmies run you don't have to ask your crazy friend what they want, which will initiate all hell breaking loose because your crazy friend thinks you should "Just know what they like"

Don't - be obvious when you're avoiding your crazy friend. they will realize what is happening. and it's the easiest way to go from number 9 on the kill first list to number 1.


Do - love your crazy friend even though they are crazy. Crazy friends need love too.



thought of the day - I have cramps.