Parking Infraction

let's set the tone here..

Say you are a licensed driver in the province of Quebec. and one day you decide that it would be a good idea to visit your friend who lives in Ontario. You drive to her house and find that there is no parking anywhere near her building. this isn't a strange occurrence, as there is rarely if ever decent parking available at her abode. But it's a thursday evening, surely bylaw wont be out and about on a thursday evening. besides, you've parked in the no parking zone at her house hundreds of times before and never had a problem. so tonight will be no different. But tonight is different. oh yes. it is. and the rat eyed bylaw officer is waiting around the corner, rubbing his greasy hands together repeating "I've got one, I've got one...I'VE GOT ONE" over and over again. he waits until you exit the car and then BAM MOTHERFUCKKKKERRRRR 76 bucks!
you of course don't realize this until many hours later, when returning to your vehicle you see this slip of rain soaked paper draped across your windscreen wiper. bastards. you breath. step out of the car. obtain the paper in question and sigh. a fucking parking ticket. but that moment is also the moment in which you remember the almighty cosmic loop hole for people who are licensed in QC or AB where the government has deemed it necessary to never share personal details with any other province! PRAISES JEBUS YOU'RE FREE FROM THIS 76 DOLLAR BURDEN!
greasy hand mcgus sitting in his shitty vw on the corner has just got sucker punched in the nuts!
you crumpled the wet paper and toss it in the trash bag in your car and laugh your own devilsh laugh and go about your evening as if it never happened.
but curiosity strikes you the next day, is this loop hole in fact real? did it somehow slip past the ENTIRE ontario governemnt for so long that the city has potentially lost millions of useless parking infraction dollars? it can't be, you think. it can't be. so you do some interweb research. you google it. you even call the quebec contacts and ask, do I REALLY have to pay this? I mean, I've driven on the 407 like 900 times and never been billed thanks to FOYP. do I have to start making amends NOW? no they say. no no no. in fact, the only time you even have to think about paying the stupid ontario government for your parking infractions is if you ever decide to register your car in that province. which is something you never plan to do. You smile hanging up the phone from that conversation, you smile and feel like you've won some small little battle again the "Man".
that is until 7 months later.
I'm going to repeat that last statement for effect.

SEVEN.
MONTHS.
LATER.

you come home from work and see a notice in your mailbox from the city of Ottawa. What could this be? you ask. Could it be a thank you letter for all your volunteer work? no. Could it be the city just writing to say hey, welcome back to the working world lil buddy, we missed you! no.
What this could be, is the city now informing you that despite the government saying you don't have to pay, YOU REALLY ACTUALLY DO HAVE TO PAY!!!
infact, you have to pay NOW. LIKE GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN THE DOOR IN THE NEXT 8 SECONDS AND PAY THIS FUCKING PARKING INFRACTION RIGHT NOW OR WE ARE GOING TO TOTALLLY TANK YOUR CREDIT AND SLAP YOUR MOTHER AND THEN STEAL YOUR SHOES. NO. NOT THOSE OLD SHOES WITH THE HOLES. BUT THE NICE NEW ONES YOU BOUGHT INSTEAD OF PAYING OUR FUCKING TICKET!


...I really LOVE those shoes :(

so there you are, holding this citation from the city, scratching your head wondering how you're going to live without your new shoes when it dawns on you to just pay the damn ticket. in the end, you parked where you shouldn't have. you got caught. now the fate of your shoes lays in your morally obligated hands. or feet. or whatever.
so you venture to the website that they've so conveniently provided in the 'payment options' window. sadly the 'first born' payment option has since been removed. sigh. and you go through the stupid steps of shamefully searching your license plate number and shamefully finding your shameful parking infraction and you click on it to get this whole fiasco over and done with and you see the website has given you the option of "adding" the ticket to "your shopping cart"
as if you are wondering down the isle of broken laws, adding and subtracting things as you see them. OOoOooOO looks like this speeding ticket is on sale! better add it to my cart!
fucking seriously! AN INFRACTION FUCKING SHOPPING CART. god. you wish you had screen cap'd the site, so you could show it off in your hilarious blog about hilarous bullshit you encounter in this hilariously fucked up world. but alas. you didn't. and everyone will just have to take your word for it.
Yea. add my fricken parking infraction to my infraction shopping cart. WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTINUE SHOPPING?? hmmmmmm let's think about this. naaaah. I rekon that concludes the shopping experience for law breaking today. THANKS THOUGH! nice to know you have options.



Thought of the day - NO ONE get's a free ride. except the Amish.