Pants Vs. Commitment

I'm entirely fed up with myself this week. I can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of "dating" anymore.

Yes, I am a woman.
Yes, I do like other women.
Yes, I want to touch their biscuits.
that makes me gay. in fact, not only am I GAY, I'm fucking ECSTATIC!
oh yea, and totally homosexual.

SIDE NOTE - IN CAPITALS - THIS IS LIKELY GOING TO OFFEND SOME PEOPLE. IT'S MY BLOG. SO GET OFFENDED ALL YOU WANT. THEN POST ABOUT IT ON YOUR BLOG. THEN GIVE ME THE LINK. I WILL THEN READ IT WHILE HAVING A CUP OF TEA AND RESPECT YOUR OPINIONS EVEN IF THEY DIFFER FROM MY OWN.

ahem.


I've spent countless hours analyzing and over analyzing WHY exactly I'm attracted to females. and what exactly I should be identifying myself as. since everyone wants to chuck a label at themselves and other people, I suppose I found it finally necessary to adapt one of those labels.

I tried "Lesbian" for a good portion of my teens/early twenties. but the entire idea of committing myself to one gender seems preposterous.
I have been sexually attracted to men. HI HAVE YOU SEEEEEEEEN KELLEN LUTZ!??
but I have never actually engaged in sexual relations with someone of the male persuasion except one of my ex's who is FTM.

this apparently makes me a 'gold star lesbian' which apparently gains me NOTHING except some kind of useless bragging rights that I never cash in on because that's another thing I find preposterous.

I do not, under any circumstances or assumptions, rule out the possibility of falling in love with a man. if a guy came up to me right now who met all the criteria I have in regards to a mate, I wouldn't let something as trivial as genitals come between me and potential happiness.


I think it's ridiculous to shove yourself into one place, because we're never in one place as people. we're all socially bipolar. things change, people change, our attraction to things CHANGE.
when I was 16, I used to think Angelia Jolie was the hottest woman alive. I had COUNTLESS posters of her on my wall. now I find her a lot less appealing. I used to kibosh the idea of ever getting married, ever having a long term relationship, buying a house, even having the desire to create SPAWN was out of the question. but now as I'm nearing 30, I want that. I want a wife, kids, a white picket fence..the whole shabang.
and I use the term wife because at this present moment, I want to marry a woman. but my previous statement stands.

I identify as queer on any given day. because I don't fit into societal norms when it comes to whom I fancy. - my other gays friends will likely say that by me calling homosexuality a non societal norm, that I'm committing the homo-blasphemy by nearly admitting that what we're doing isn't NORMAL. but for fuck sakes, REALISTICALLY IT'S NOT NORMAL.
it's queer. aka OUTSIDE OF NORMAL STANDARDS. that's the effin definition of queer. you take the label, you take it's literal meaning too.

so who I am attracted to, well that I can't control. I'm attracted to blue eyes. I'm attracted to chubby. I'm attracted to beards. I'm attracted to sense of humor, to tattoos and to kind hearted people who love kittens and cuddling.
who I FUCK, is entirely based on preference. right now - I prefer to sleep with woman. that preference, that desire, that's a choice I make. I don't honestly believe there is a gene inside of me that makes me want to bone girls. I just prefer them to men.

I'm not going to go into an all out rant about my distaste for the gay community, or for the whole "gay rights" malarkey. because I'm already pushing on bored of writing this already. and I have to sleep soon.

the whole point around the beginning of my post was to rant about why I hate women right now. or I suppose rather, why I hate DATING women.

it can be summed up in two simple words however...

they're. Crazy.

I am the proud owner of a fantastic vagina. which lumps me into the category of crazy as well. but I run on a few basic principals that help me avoid becoming too crazy.
1. I don't lie. not only do I not lie, but I don't bullshit around the truth either. if I'm attracted to someone I flirt with them. plain and simple. if I'm flirting with you, it's because I want to touch your biscuit. FUCKING EASY RIGHT? apparently not.
2. in relation to the honesty, I also offer full disclosure in regards to my entire being. if you ask me something personal, I'll answer. I don't care what question it is.
3. I don't play people. I don't play the game, I don't offer the game. I just don't play. in fact, the entire concept of 'the game' is so lost on me. I do not have the slightest bit of understanding as to why people feel it necessary to play games. head games or heart games and all the in between. it seems like an entire waste of my time.

I wish these rules were enclosed in every tampon/pad/birth control package ever handed out.
I wish homeless people would get paid money to tell girls these rules
I wish that homeless people would also get a tazer in which to taze the shit out of bitches who don't comply.
it would make my life a lot less complicated.

I don't understand you other vagina toting people. I don't understand you.