Pants Vs. Love. or some other four letter word for bullshit.

maybe it's because I've been listening a coldplay song on repeat for like an entire week. or because my uterus is currently pretending it's martha stewart all up in my junk-ual area.
no really. it's got an apron on and everything. the last time I checked in on it, it was deciding which wallpaper looked better next to my spleen and making an entire fucking roast beef dinner.
I think that may be chemically imbalance speak for ovulating. justsoyouknow.

regardless. it's been an 'emotional' day.
I don't get very many of these. I've asked every therapist that I've had if it's actually possible to move in and out of being a sociopath. they all seem to say no. but what do they know? their degrees mean they can drive cabs and dole out psychotropic drugs. oh and hey I HAVE ONE OF THOSE TOO ASSHOLES.
pardon me for a moment while I go cry over mine because today I HAVE FEELINGS.


ahem.

anyways. on days like today I just want to shove a sawed off shotgun down the throat of anyone I see who is 'in love'. because the mere notion of it is annoying. to the point of homicide. clearly.
but it's always days like this that I obssessively watch fucking romcoms too. enter "Love and other drugs"
my whole basis for turning this on today was because I knew I'd get to see Anne Hathaways rack.
and by now you all must know how I feel about racks in general. Hers is Nooooo exception. it was a nice one too! but then the movie had to go and be distracting. turning my attention away from perfectly formed breasteses and towards LOVE.
LOVE
LOOOOOOOVE.
vomi.t.
(I'm leaving the punctuation mistake in. don't tell me not to. it's happening. spell check be damned.)


I've only ever been in love once in my life. and it was the grossest most disturbing fucked up thing I've ever gone through. I'm not sure I'd ever really like to re live that mess. even if it means getting laid on a regular basis.
well maybe I would...as long as love doesn't backtalk, makes me samiches and doesn't mind my uterus designing our ENTIRE WEDDING.



I really thought I had a good train of thought going for a minute there. but now I just want a samich.