Pants Vs. Etiquette.

more specifically, it's Pants Vs. Etiquette when it comes to self checkout.

my dad said the best thing about self checkouts, he said "The bad thing about self checkouts, is that they're all run by idiots"

this is true.

today I had something happen to me that has happened a few other times. I'm not sure if anyone else has encountered the same situation. I like to call it "Free Money"

Today I ventured into the waking world to obtain toilet paper. I rarely ever brave a walmart during daylight hours unless entirely necessary. TP is necessary.
I also almost NEVER brave going to an actual cashier at walmart. because the lines are always 500 mouth breathers deep. and I hate waiting. What? I'm a product of the point and click generation who was raised on the internet. if I don't get what I want within DSL speed I'm cranky.
today was no different. after waiting for an elderly lady to finish her purchases, I sauntered up to the self checkout and scanned my items and decided to take advantage of the cash back option. one thing I do praise walmart for is there cash back option. it means I don't have to stop at the bank to take out poker money for tonight. I complete my purchase, and grab my cash. Only to realize that instead of there being 40 bucks in the tray, there is actually 80. 2 extra twenty's! I double check my receipt, and no error. I only asked for 40. this is when it becomes clear that either the elderly lady ahead of my forgot to take her cash, or that money has developed sexual organs and is now multiplying at an alarming rate within the confine of the cash despenser in walmart.
my guess was with the first option. so I jog out to the parking lot hoping to see the lady. because you know what? I'M AN HONEST PERSON.
could I use the extra 40 dollars? you're damn right I could. would I knowingly steal 40 dollars from an old lady? NO.
there have been previous incidents where I have turned the money into the one person who works the self checkout area. and one time when I took my money, plus the left money, and didn't realize until well after I left the store. it feels wrong to take that money. even though realistically it might as well be called a stupidity tax because those machines basically punch you in the junk and scream bells and whistles at you to not forget your money. but I still have a hard time knowingly taking it.
anyways. back to the parking lot. I did spot the lady. and I did jog up to her, waving and ranting YOU LEFT YOUR MONEY BEHIND!
this is when it's not so awesome living in quebec when you don't speak french. because little old ladies who don't speak english see a tattooed scruffy just got out of bed to buy TP looking bulldyke running at them yelling and waving cash, they basically just scream and get in their car and peel out of the parking lot at 20kms an hour (which for an old person is FUCKING FAST)
so I get to stand there looking perplexed, holding her cash in my hand wondering what I'm supposed to do. that's when I get splashed by some asshole in a truck going through a puddle and decided to cut my losses and keep the money. I figure the wet shoes and hilarious story of terror that I induced upon the elderly today would even things out.

what is the appropriate etiquette when you find money though? whenever it happens to me, albiet at the self checkout, or even just seeing money on the street, I ALWAYS look around to see if anyone else is eying the cash. then I look around for cameras. because I'm fully convinced that one of these times I'm going to be on a game show that shows just how dishonest we are as humans. and I'll be that ONE person out of 50 who actually makes an attempt to return the money to its rightful owner. then I'll get famous for being nice. or something like that.

I'm going to be embarking on an adventure later today that involves bowling. I haven't been bowling since me and Crystal went, well over a year ago. and I damaged my banging finger. I'm not a good bowler. I've only ever broken 100 ONCE. plus I think it's 5 pin bowling. WHO THE FUCK PLAYS 5 PIN?????
idiots.
oh well. my attempts at being more social are always good for blog posts about my awkwardness. which I'm sure you all enjoy.