Pants Vs. Stomach

ughhhhhhhhhhh I LOOOOVE Banana peppers. but they do not love me. in fact, any feeling they may have towards me would have to include the adjective of Vindictive or Revengeful. or any other suitable synonym that relates to what they do to my body.
On saturday I had pizza with Crystal. which is a part of our hockey night in Canada saturdays. pizza or chinese. I know I know. I'm not a very responsible celiac disease sufferererer. I take bromelain and probiotics. I eat relatively within my means. and I've recently started taking nuerontin. which is supposed to help with my tummy pain and/or my crazies! ALL AT ONCE!
so far it doesn't really do much except make me feel reaaaaallllll nice at bedtime. but anyways. the so call miracle probiotics do ease the effects of gluten on my body. but since on saturday I was mustering up the spirits of potentially pregnant ladies, all I wanted to do was shove as much spicy food in my mouth as humanly possible. Enter - Banana Peppers. not only banana peppers, but also that spicy as shit red sauce that I lovingly refer to as cock sauce. what it's actually called - no idea. it has a rooster on it. and it's spicy. cock sauce is fitting.
so basically I was eating fire, with some pizza as an afterthought. god it was soooo good.
so good in fact that yesterday I went out and bought an entire jar of banana peppers, and have been putting them on everything I consume. rice and banana peppers. hashbrowns and banana peppers. MILK? Yeaaaa milk and banana peppers!! FUCK YEAAA!
while at work tonight though, my idea to combine popcorn and banana peppers wasn't one I really thought through. see not only does my body hate gluten, but as a second round FUCK YOU PANTS, my body also hates most things corn related. (which as you may realize sucks a big fat one since most gluten free products are made with corn flour or corn derivatives to replace the wheat, so I'm pretty fucked not matter what I do)
so the whole night I've been bloated as a mother fucker. I feel like I need to abort a food baby, but the food baby was all, nah. I think I'll stay here all warm and comfy in your lower intenstine. and as punishment for trying to abort me I'm just going to play this heavy metal music on REPEAT. REAL LOUD! not enough for you? WELL HOW ABOUT I CRANK SOME FUCKING CELINE DION THEN HUH?!! FUCK YOU PANTS!
as you can probably tell from past posts. I don't like Celine Dion much. and attribute her music to being pretty much the worst thing in the world. yea. even worse than aborting food babies.
needless to say when I got home this morning and saw that jar of now almost entirely consumed banana peppers, I put a second thought into consuming more.
buuuut like most things in life that I do, I threw caution to the wind. mmmmmmbanana peppers. whatever shit show music you have cooked up to annoy my bowels with later is worth it for your spicy spicy amazingness.

I wonder how they'd be on cake.
hmm.