I'm about to hit the road back home after spending four days down south with my dad and step mum for our pre Christmas celebrations.
I love these guys so much because we don't do anything traditionally. We go play blackjack at the casino, drink port at 8am, we have crib tournaments for money and cook and crochet and watch horrible Christmas movies. It's been a very relaxing few days. Hard at times, but relaxing. I'm sad to be going home.
Tonight is my dinner with my grandma, since I'm working all through Christmas I'm kind of condensing everything into one weekend so I can at least see some family through the holidays.
The drive home will be nice, I always love it so much, to or from. I do my best thinking then.
Tattoo consult went well. She has some really fantastic ideas that I didn't even consider, so I'm looking forward to seeing what she's come up with tomorrow when I go pay the deposit. We're doing a full 6-8 hours mid January so hopefully we'll get most of it done then.
There is currently a very small puffy pom snoring on my lap. She's cute and all, but I'd give anything in the world to have my Smokey back, drooling on my arm. I miss her so much sometimes. I'm still struggling with the finality of it all. I can't wrap my head around the logic of death, of absences. I've lost so many friends to - whatever - but I've always known they're still out there somewhere, living, creating their happiness. And there's comfort in that. Knowing they're at least ok. I had similar grief for the friendships. I mourned their absence, I still mourn their absence. But I know they're there somewhere. With this, this is final. And my usual very factual and logical mind, cannot seem to understand that. Maybe it's denial. I'm not sure. I know I *should* be making efforts to processing through it, but I can't. I won't. And I'm not sure when that'll change.
In the meantime - wishing everyone a safe and happy holiday season, and because this is my blog and my rules I'm gonna say merry Christmas. Cause it's fucking Christmas Damnit!